A Forboding Feeling

My first actual, original DevLog entry — clearly to be paired with my first actual, original post on this new site. I feel I need to talk about making that new post, not because of interesting creative tidbits (like what I originally intended with these DevLogs), but rather a foreboding feeling I personally have about the Wars in Reverie project and my attempts to express its ideas through this site.

You see, I worked this site into a reasonably-presentable state around late June of 2025. I didn’t want to make it publicly known until I first made a landmark post for new visitors to read. That “landmark” post is one that I am currently writing, titled the “Four Poles,” which covers the four main factions in the Wars in Reverie story. It’s the post that should correspond to the faction posters I put up last month. Now, you readers would obviously notice that you’re not reading this in late June of 2025, neither was the Four Poles post published in June of 2025. Yes, I held back announcing the existence of this site, and the project more broadly, because of that one damn post.

For three months I sat on that post, utterly shackled by my own writer’s block, unable to actually write the damn thing to make a suitable, informative post. And that post was merely a summary of the four main factions. Granted, it was the start of the school year, and being overloaded with classes and having every weekend busied with hosting family visits or volunteering to highschool sports fairs definitely isn’t adding free-time to work this project. Nevertheless, it’s disheartening that this singular, simple post is holding up my work on this project.

Further, this writer’s block and long delay have made me worried about how I’ll continue this project. First, my principal fear is that I’ll not be able to express all my ideas through these posts, whether through my ideas being lost in transcription or simply prevented by my own writer’s block to actually write these ideas in the first place. Second, I planned to work on this project through these last years of my collegiate career, so that I can put this story to rest once I enter a professional or military career. But if it will take this ungodly amount of time per post, I worry that this project won’t be sufficiently fleshed out by my graduation, and I disdain leaving a still-borne, in-utero project in this limbo when I eventually must abandon it.

Third and most important, these were ideas floating in my head for many years. I wanted to publish them in these posts so that I could remember and share them in perpetuity — but if I’m unable to put those words on a page in the first place, I may simply lose and forget those ideas as time goes on. I utterly dread the thought of me losing these ideas to time, and see writing them as a form of preservation. But neither do I want to leave these ideas wasted and forgotten in a closeted notebook, knowing this project’s true artistic potential. I want to make them known — and my fear is rooted in the potential that this now-published project won’t be known in their complete scope simply because I’m incapable of finishing it.

I just feel that I need to try harder to work on this, or abandon it all-together. Though, the former means squeezing more time out of my busied life where I cherish the small bits of carefree time I could take; While the latter would mean I’d surrender my most vested creative ideas — ideas that mean too much to my childhood and upbringing — and concede that my years of work towards those ideas had been wasted.

I dread both options. Above all else, I’m realizing that my current life is full of options where I hate any choice I take.